Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
I’m trying to write a novel but can’t decide on a font. My problem is that I can't start to write until I find a font I like. What should I do?
Wow. Your problems are huge. How you’ve managed to stay upright this long and haven’t topped yourself is truly a miracle. And not one of those ‘oh, my baby is a miracle’ miracles. I’m talking about a real stumper that not even the Pope can explain. But I’ll give it a go. With or without my Pastoral Staff.
Here’s a fun fact for you. Did you know the first ever font invented was Wingdings? You didn’t know that? True. But back in the day, cavemen didn’t have Apple Mac’s and it took them forever to carve out a sentence. Can you imagine how long it’d take to write out - Buffalo, spear, bird, bird, spear, lizard, spear, crescent moon, fish, arrow head, tree, arrow head just to spell out ‘Macca was here’. I’m guessing at least three hibernation seasons.
Then after a period of time, pictures where replaced with letters. But if you’re Chinese, pictures were replaced with a random smatter of ‘slashes’. Ironically, these slashes actually look like things - like houses, stick men hugging each other and office buildings. So really, the Chinese written word hasn’t evolved that much.
And then there’s the Germans. Don’t get me started on the Germans. With their umlaut’s, eszett’s and lack of dental fricatives. Those German’s are always trying to show off. But I must say that probably the most interesting language in the world is that of those crazy residents of Lesbos . They speak Lesbian. And you can bet that come class time, those crazy Lesbos teenage boys turn up on time, sit up straight and ask for homework.
I haven’t researched the Lesbian font but I’m guessing you’re downloading it now for your novel writing. You're a dirty bastard.
Send your questions to me - angryauntis@gmail.com
