Dear Angry Agony Aunt
My husband and I are going away for the weekend and our babysitter has cancelled. Can you look after the kids for a couple of days? Kelly is four and Richard is two and a half.
Sure thing. Maybe Richard could teach me how to use my mobile phone and Kelly could help me install a firewall.
We could play games like, why loud banging is important, where to safely hide the mushy and smelly banana and ‘Hot And Cold’ - The Kitchen version. I’ll also introduce them to a new game called the ‘No’ game. It’s where every answer is no but you have to work from a yell to a shrill. Your kids sound smart; I’m confident they’ll catch on.
I’m happy to hold Q&A sessions from everything ranging from - ‘Why You Look Like Mummy’s Boss’ to ‘Tattoo’s: Short term pain, long term gain’. We can debate issues like whether it’s better to have a sharp wit or a sharp knife and if we have time we’ll have a good hearty discussion about God verses Science.
But don’t worry, there’ll be heaps of educational stuff as well. I’ll hold three but invaluable seminars. ‘How To Help Daddy Fix His Car When He’s Not Looking’, ‘How Your Attitude Is Your Weapon; The Pre-teen Version’ and ‘How To Learn Numbers’. I just need your credit card for that class. At night, I’ll read them bedside stories like, ‘The Princess and the Non-committal Prince’, ‘Why Addiction Is Bad But Inevitable’ and ‘Sleep Is For Losers, Volumes 7 - 11’.
I’m ready to go. Just let me know what time you want me there.
