Should I tell my friends I've won Lotto?

Hi Angry Agony Aunt

I’ve just won First Division in Lotto.  Should I tell my friends?

Ra-rah-rah Rich

Dear Richie Rich

Let me start off by saying you’re the best looking reader I’ve ever had.  However, your looks pale in to insignificance when it comes to your brains and brawn.  I hope I’m not stating the obvious when I say that you’re a rare specimen.  When it comes to having a balance of good looks, good personality and good fortune, you’re right up there with your Peter Andre.  So, now that’s out of the way, let me give you a guiding hand and I’ll do my best to give you the best advice possible.

Look, you’re a total jerk.  You’re a jerk with or without money.  I’m guessing the ‘friends’ you talk about are probably a few old high school frenemies, a few ex-boyfriends and a lot of co-workers that really can’t stand you microwaving your curry lunch in the office.

These are the same people that never have and never will invite you to workplace farewell party, unless of course, it’s yours.  This is where they’ll spare no expense to ensure your building security pass is returned and destroyed.  Or to steal a phrase - until the security pass is ‘buried and cremated’.

But unfortunately for you, it’s too late.  They already know.  They got your subtle hints.  Their first clue was when you employed The Wiggles to record your voicemail singing ‘I’m in the money’.  The second was on casual Friday when you wore that dress made of hundred dollar notes.  The last clue is that big novelty cheque you got framed and hung above your desk.  You really are a jerk.

But believe it or not, you’re co-workers are actually quite happy for you.  This is their time to shine.  I heard a couple of them on the blower to Nigeria interviewing a few spam agents.  Shortly, you'll be receiving an email from Amadi telling you that he needs to offload twenty billion dollars and just needs your bank account to do so.  And believe me, it’s in your best interests to tell him.  This is the quickest way to turn your small win into a big billion dollar win.  Boy, you're on a roll.  Good luck to you.  He, he.

 

Send your questions to me - angryauntis@gmail.com