Should I play along with my mistaken identity?

Dear Angry Agony Aunt

I attended three work functions this month.  At every function, at least one person mistook me for another person.  Funnily enough, the person they mistook me for is ten years younger than me.  This is a wonderful compliment but I'm not sure if I should I just play along with this mistaken identity?

You must just have one of those faces.  It must suck to be you after a witness has completed an identikit and you’re in a police lineup.

Witness : “Number three”.

Policeman : “Are you sure?”

Witness ; “Ahh… not a hundred percent, but boy, that person looks familiar.”

Policeman : “Does anyone else look familiar to you?”

Witness : “No, just number three.”

But that aside, my first piece of advice is quite straight forward.  If you’re being mistaken for someone ten years younger, this is a  great testament to Dr Lewinn and the Ponds Institute.  First things first.  Write them a letter. 

Secondly, if this situation arises again, I have something for you.  However, this must only be reserved for people who should know better and who should really know your name.  These people include but aren't limited to your boss, your husband and your Psychologist.

Here's what you do.  After the 'mis-introduction', you must shower the 'introducer' with compliments.  Go to town.  Tell them how smart and efficient they.  Tell them you feel sorry for them that they have a team of incompetent staff.  Go a little overboard.  It won't hurt.  

Tell them that with your hand on your heart that you hope the rumours aren’t true and that the company is making the team redundant.  Then when your teary monologue is complete, finish by calling them their boss’ name.  I repeat.  Call them their boss' name.  Then wait a few seconds, sniffle and sigh.

But remember, this is an act of revenge and the last thing you want is retaliation.  So for this to be effective, you need to leave immediately.  Excuse yourself from the conversation by saying you have to hurry to see [insert your REAL name here].  You heard there was a party on their yacht because [insert your REAL name here] won lotto.

How can I make him eat his banana?

Dear Angry Agony Aunt

My husband Matt (please don’t use his real name), does somethig weird with banana's.  To ‘successfully’ eat one, he has to peel it in to four equal segments.  If the banana peel is uneven to the naked eye, he can’t eat it.  So on the ocassions when he does peel unevenly, I'm forced to eat it.  If I don't, it's left on the kitchen counter to go all black and feral. How can I make him eat his banana?

Did you know this before you married him?  If so, I have limited sympathy for you.  But if this is a new introduction to your marriage, here’s some fake sympathy for you (awwww darling…), followed by some practical advice.

This surprising common problem can be fixed in a few ways. 

-      The most obvious fix is to recycle your banana.  Get your banana recipe book out and start cooking, blending and baking.  Banana smoothies, banana bread, banana custard, banana chocolate and peanut butter cream terrine, banana pancakes – all that. 

-      Limit his intake of banana.  Limit it to birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. (Ie, on the only days you have sex with him). 

-      Move next to a zoo and throw the banana’s over the back of the fence for the monkeys. 

-      Every time he does an ‘uneven peel’, convince him he hasn’t.  If he resorts to bringing out a ruler, keep strong.  Tell him over and over again each measurement is the same.  Stare at the obviously uneven peel and repeat, ‘It’s the same, it’s the same, it’s the same’.  Fight in to the night if you have to.  Convince your friends and neighbours to do the same.  Power in numbers. 

But if all else fails, trump him with your own little 'fetish'.  Start a sick addiction to Fish Milkshake Thursday’s.  In my house I call it FMT.  If anyone steps out of line, I just blend  one up and give them a whiff.  Nothing stops bad behaviour better than fishy milk.