Dear Angry Agony Aunt
My husband Matt (please don’t use his real name), does somethig weird with banana's. To ‘successfully’ eat one, he has to peel it in to four equal segments. If the banana peel is uneven to the naked eye, he can’t eat it. So on the ocassions when he does peel unevenly, I'm forced to eat it. If I don't, it's left on the kitchen counter to go all black and feral. How can I make him eat his banana?
Did you know this before you married him? If so, I have limited sympathy for you. But if this is a new introduction to your marriage, here’s some fake sympathy for you (awwww darling…), followed by some practical advice.
Did you know this before you married him? If so, I have limited sympathy for you. But if this is a new introduction to your marriage, here’s some fake sympathy for you (awwww darling…), followed by some practical advice.
This surprising common problem can be fixed in a few ways.
- The most obvious fix is to recycle your banana. Get your banana recipe book out and start cooking, blending and baking. Banana smoothies, banana bread, banana custard, banana chocolate and peanut butter cream terrine, banana pancakes – all that.
- Limit his intake of banana. Limit it to birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. (Ie, on the only days you have sex with him).
- Move next to a zoo and throw the banana’s over the back of the fence for the monkeys.
- Every time he does an ‘uneven peel’, convince him he hasn’t. If he resorts to bringing out a ruler, keep strong. Tell him over and over again each measurement is the same. Stare at the obviously uneven peel and repeat, ‘It’s the same, it’s the same, it’s the same’. Fight in to the night if you have to. Convince your friends and neighbours to do the same. Power in numbers.
But if all else fails, trump him with your own little 'fetish'. Start a sick addiction to Fish Milkshake Thursday’s. In my house I call it FMT. If anyone steps out of line, I just blend one up and give them a whiff. Nothing stops bad behaviour better than fishy milk.
