Dear Agony Aunt
My seven year old kid won’t go to school. I’ve tried everything. Pleading, negotiation, bribes, reverse psychology and force. On the mornings I take time off work to drag him kicking and screaming to school, he gets there and runs away to the Nurse’s office citing a made up disease. Other than tie him to chair, I don’t know what else to do. I’m at my wits end.
Tie him to a chair? That’s some good parenting there. But why stop there? Tie him to a chair, give him eleven years worth of Big Mac’s, a bed pan and wish him all the best... Tie him to a chair? It just goes to show you don't need to have brains or common sense to have children.
You’re son however, he sounds like a hoot. And he’s already a lot smarter than you. Let’s look at three important facts. He doesn’t listen to you. Tick. He visits the hot nurse in sick bay. Tick. He’s creative enough to come up with never heard before ailments. Tick. Your son is an entrepreneurial genius of his time; a young mix of Donald Trump, Richard Branson and Dr Oz.
His gift needs to be nurtured, not stifled by unimportant things like English, math and social studies. While all the other kids are agonising over bell curves, fumbling around with Bunsen burners and hating every single word of that idiot, Shakespeare, you’re youngin’ is just biding his time until he can bust out of there, start a chain of strip-joint convenience stores and become a multi-billionaire.
You’re the luckiest chick to have opened her legs. If nurtured and supported, your son will buy you a duplex in Parramatta
However, if suppressed and restrained, you can forget your Parramatta
