Dear Angry Agony Aunt
My boyfriend has, what can only be described as an ‘odd strut’. Physically, there’s nothing wrong with him but when he walks down the street, he leans so far back, it’s like he’s constantly practicing his limbo. How do I get him to walk properly?
Boy, you really are an ungrateful bitch aren’t you? I’m sure your boyfriend buys you flowers, rubs your back at ‘that time of the month’ and puts up with you in general. But no, that’s not good enough for our little Precious McPrecious - no - you have to rag on him about his walking style. You should be ashamed at yourself and have a good hard look in the mirror (if you haven’t already broken it), before you go judging other people.
Your boyfriend is ‘walking’. Full stop. It’s nice to think that life is all about the journey, but let’s face it, life is all about the destination. This couldn’t be more true when it comes to talking about walking from work to the pub - from the pub to another pub - and from your chair at the pub to the bathroom.
And moving is moving - who cares if he cartwheels, shimmies or leapfrogs? Let the poor guy krump down the aisle of the supermarket, cheerleader jump at his performance review and box-step at your parent’s house. Let him do a one man dos-a-dos at the movies, the grapevine at your sister's wedding and for goodness sake, let him do the time warp again. Why? Because every other minute of the day, he’s leading a heartbreaking and painful existence being with you. He’s doing exactly what you want him to do and being where you want him to be. Leave the poor guy alone and let him do his ridiculous strutting.
Now, I know you wrote in for guidance about ‘changing’ your boyfriend but I’m going to give him a piece of free and friendly advice. Dude, read this carefully. One day soon, when you’re down the street, turn to your girlfriend and say, ‘hey babygirl, look at this’. Then smile, wave and moonwalk out of her life.
Send me your questions - angryauntis@gmail.com
