Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
Do you think Russell Brand and Katy Perry will last?
My, what a big nose you have. It’s almost as big as that black hole in your life. So Part One of my advice is swift and loud. Get a life! Seriously. Get a life. Put those trashy magazines down!
Second to alcohol, trashy magazines are the worst offender when it comes to brain rot. It’s a serious condition called the ‘flip, fall and forget’ syndrome. You flip the pages of trashy magazines and all the vital information you need to function day-to-day falls out of your brain to make way for the useless ‘celebrity’ mush you’re being fed. Then one day, you’ll be standing in the shower minding your own business when all of a sudden, you’ll start wondering how you can get so much water from such a little shower nozzle…
The worst offenders are magazines that have the words, 'betrayed!', 'breakup', 'celebrity cellulite' or 'orgasm' on the front cover. Also, if you see a magazine cover with these words written in fluorescent yellow or fluorescent orange, call a Doctor immediately. Then sit down. Brain rot I tell you. Brain rot.
Second to alcohol, trashy magazines are the worst offender when it comes to brain rot. It’s a serious condition called the ‘flip, fall and forget’ syndrome. You flip the pages of trashy magazines and all the vital information you need to function day-to-day falls out of your brain to make way for the useless ‘celebrity’ mush you’re being fed. Then one day, you’ll be standing in the shower minding your own business when all of a sudden, you’ll start wondering how you can get so much water from such a little shower nozzle…
The worst offenders are magazines that have the words, 'betrayed!', 'breakup', 'celebrity cellulite' or 'orgasm' on the front cover. Also, if you see a magazine cover with these words written in fluorescent yellow or fluorescent orange, call a Doctor immediately. Then sit down. Brain rot I tell you. Brain rot.
But back to Russell and Katy.
Why do you care what I think of them? In fact why do you care full stop? Russell and Katy and are very nice pretty people. Katy can hold a tune and Russell can hold himself upright. She’s gorgeous and he’s mildly bearable to look at. Katy can defy the laws of physics by having fireworks come out of her boobs and Russell has, one more than one occasion, defied the laws wonder by staying alive. Leave them alone. Pick on someone your own financial size.
So, Part Two of my adivce is as equally as simple and loud. Consult a plastic surgeon! With a nose that big, you need expensive and painful intervention. No wonder you don't have a boyfriend.
Have a question? Email angryauntis@gmail.com
