What should I write in the card?

Dear Angry Agony Aunt

My workmates bullied me in to signing a farewell card for someone I hardly know.  They’ve all written monologues of farewell wishes.  I’m afraid if I keep it short and sweet it makes me look like a bastard.  But I can’t conjure up a long winded farewell wish because I don’t have that many feelings about the person. What should I write?

Just see this as another job your boss gets you to do that's outside the scope of your job description.  Sure, you interviewed as the new mailroom boy, but after three weeks on the job, you’re already knee deep in strategy plans and negotiations with Unions – all for no extra pay. 

But you’ll notice it wasn’t just lumped all on you in one go – no, it was done very sneaky like. 

It all started when they gave you a few extra non-lifting tasks – easy - nothing too taxing.  Then after a week, you were given a chair and the use of someone elses end-desk.  This was great – you got to sit down for a bit…  And let’s face it, it’s always great to sit down for a bit... 

But then after a week, you were given a phone, phone extension, a pen, someone else’s notepad and fire wardens hat.  It’s all very suspicious but nothing to panic about at this stage.  After all, the fire alarm isn't going off...

Then before you could say ‘thanks for the seat’, you found out the Receptionist had been fired and all the phones were diverted to you.  It wasn’t until the CEO/Helpdesk/Cleaner (who shares your desk) turned to you and told you there was an expectation that you to turned up on time, worked extra hours, and were nice to people when you talked to them.  This all very contradictory to your brief and very specific job description - deliver the mail.

So just see this card signing business as just another job you have to do with no extra pay.  Who cares what you write in it?  You could write the Star Spangled Banner, Lords Prayer or Jack Nicholson’s monologue from “A Few Good Men”.  It's all the same really. 

But if you still want to write something heartfelt, try this on for size and accuracy ... ‘Please, please, please, take me with you…’.