Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
I currently have 4 tattoos & I’m looking at getting a couple more but am stuck for ideas. I’m not one of those people who gets them as it is currently the popular thing to do, each of mine has a personal, symbolic meaning to me and as such that is the reason it has taken me 12 years to get only 4. I was just wondering if you have any suggestions as to what I should get and where I should get them.
I can’t stand tattoo’s. But my ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend both have them so if I ever wanted to make things work with either one of these guys, I have to pretend that I like them (the tattoo’s, not the guys).
From what I hear, tattoo’s are very addictive. It starts off innocently enough. You get blind drunk and find yourself outside a tattoo shop, shoving a kebab down your gob. You say to your mate “Hey dude….dude wake up… lets go get a tat”. Your mate wakes up and replies, ‘hey dude, you should get a tatt’. You wash your kebab down with a swig of Jack Daniels and introduce yourself to Bubba from Bubba’s Body Art and Haberdashery.
You blindly scan the chart for the body art you want. But let’s face it, you end up pointing to the picture that’s closest to your finger. Then you’re shoved in the chair and Bubba waves the buzzy pen in your direction. The first time it touches your skin, you actually want to scream. It’s the same feeling you had when you said ‘I Do’. But unlike your wedding, when you’re here with Bubba, you keep your trap shut. This is because you have to prove to him that you’re a real man. Then one hour later, he’s done, you’re done and you run in to the back alley and throw up your kebab.
And strangely enough, this is your moment of clarity. Getting a tattoo has been the only time in your pathetic man life where you get to feel like a real man. That’s why you find yourself years later with a body full of colour. And let’s not forget the ‘Brittany Forever’ on your left peck.
But in relation to the design of your next work of art, all I can say is that whatever you do, if you write a word, get it checked by an Editor first. The last thing you want is to ask for ‘love forever’ in Latin only to find out it says ‘I’m a douche’ in Greek.
