Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
After getting to see my nieces & nephews recently as well as seeing a lot of cute babies, I’ve been finding myself becoming quite ‘clucky’. I’d love to have kids one day but I just don’t know if/when I’ll be ready of if I’d be a good father. Do you think I should have children?
I don’t believe anyone’s ever ready to be a parent. Why? Because it’s doesn’t involve getting a licence. You need a licence to drive a car, operate heavy machinery and shoot a firearm. But when it comes to giving and nurturing life all you need to do is point in the right direction…
A guy is only ready to become a parent when they’re okay with a placenta flying from their baby Mumma’s loins and when they’re okay with the natural but oh-so unnatural ‘stuff’ festering in their child’s nappy. It’s only then, they’re ready. And not a second more.
Eeewww. Are you grossed out? Well darlin’ welcome to parenthood.
You see, you hold your nieces and nephews when they’re at their best. It’s much like watching Miss Universe seeing women as these beautiful, poised and hot creatures only to find out later that chicks fart. And I’m not talking about pleasant bottom pops. I’m talking about ground shaking, motor starting rips that could knock down a flagpole. So, the lesson here? Don’t be fooled by appearances before the commercial break.
Also, some people gush and tell you that having children is the best thing you can ever do. But these people haven’t cured cancer or released a Grammy winning, multi platinum album. And these same people will bang on about how nothing lights up a room more than your child’s smile. Ummm, newsflash hot shot... A thousand watts will do that as well...
So all I can really say is, good luck to you. If that line turns double blue, you have no idea what you’re in for. Having said that, I bet you’re going to be one of those people who thinks their baby’s farts are the most adorable things in the earth. And oh my god, all of a sudden, I feel sick.
