How should I prepare the potato's?

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
I have a dinner issue.  I have some lamb tenderloin and an amazing homemade eight bean salad, so how should I prepare the potato’s?

You really are ugly and unhappy aren’t you?   When you walk into a room, lights start flickering and the temperature drops.  You're loud, annoying and have a dumb stare like a German Sheppard wearing a hat.  (I’d normally say 'bulldog with a bow-tie' but that’s too upmarket for you).  You give your fellow American’s a bad name.  Yeah, you’re that bad.  I regret the day we met and spend a lot of energy trying to avoid you.

Now, to your potato’s.  If you asked a hundred people how to prepare your potato’s, you’d get a hundred different answers.  You’ll hear all kinds of various ways to boil, broil, fry or roast.  If someone’s really listening, they’ll ask you if you have a regular potato or if its underappreciated cousin, the sweet potato. If you ask a Wiggle, he’ll tell you to mash your hot potato. 

But watch out for the free advice red herring.  It comes in the form of something called ‘Deb’.  And I’m not talking about your ex-girlfriend Deb - as nice and tolerant as she is.  No, this Deb is 115 grams of powdery potato particles for 'potato on-the-go'.  The picture on the packet makes the dish look appetising but in reality, it ends up turning into a lumpy potato drink.  Deb (the potato drink) is such a cult hit that it has its own Facebook page.  True.  Comments range from ‘Deb is epic’ to ‘Deb tastes like dog food’.  Only one of these comments is true.  I’ll let you decide.

But if you really want to get the most out of your potato, use it correctly.  It’s called Vodka.