Dear Agony Aunt,
With all these natural disasters of late, including the millions of fish dying en-mass and hundreds of thousands of birds falling from the sky at once, do you think it’s the end of the world? If so, do I really need to keep contributing to my superannuation?
Well, well, well. When they were giving out compassion and sensitivity, I bet you were in the back of the line painting your toenails. Natural disasters are more than birds and fish. Real people died. So before I get into it, I’m pressing my index fingers to my temple, closing my eyes really tight and wishing you some kind of karma payback tomorrow. I hope your boss gives you the sack. Then you’ll really have to worry about superannuation. But if by some karma miscarriage of justice, you make it through the work day, this is your answer.
Superannuation is the worst form of gambling. It's betting you’ll make it to your wrinkly gold watch. What’s worse is that it isn’t called gambling, it’s called ‘saving’. And not your traditional piggy bank saving where you can listen to your money clink and grow. No. This 'saving' is where some stranger holds your ‘invisible’ money and every year apologises for 'losing' some of it. They call it ‘market losses’ and ‘administrative fees’. What a scam.
But it doesn’t end there. Not only are you losing money, but you’re forced to bet on your actual life end date. You see, if you don’t save enough, you’ll only be able to go to the hairdresser once every six months for your blue dye. However, if you save too much, you’re ugly, greedy and ungrateful kids will get all the money. This is probably worse of the two scenarios because with all that excess money, you could’ve bought a motorbike and/or had a high-class hooker for a week.
So my advice to you is that you should pick a number and stick to it. The current world average for life expectancy is 67.2. This is actually a good number for you as it’s same as your IQ. So do the maths and say goodbye to your money. But having said all that, there are always unforseen variables. Watch out for flying mackerels.
