Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
A co-worker said hello and I said hello back. Then a couple of seconds of silence passed and they said a sarcastic ‘good thanks’. My problem is that, I don’t remember asking them how they were because I distinctly remember not caring. Do I have to ask EVERYONE how they are when I see them?
This is why you should never date your co-workers. After the initial burst of effervescent bubbly love has turned into a murky, icky and sticky, stinky bog, you both still have to occasionally talk to each other. This is where passive aggressive conversations reign supreme and sarcasm lifts its skirt to show a bit of leg.
You see, sarcasm is the ‘smart’ of dumb people. Sarcasm has a little bit of wit but it’s so lacking, it needs to be served with a side dish of tone. And you need tone when you’re trying to make a sad and pathetic point. Sarcasm gives you the 'snippy' without the ‘snappy’. So if that’s the kind of relationship you want, my advice is - ‘Snip, snap, front and back’.
However, if you’re after the fool proof stuff, I’ve got that for you as well. This is becuase you sound like a real fool. So here we go. If you want to stop having to ask people how they are, you need to tell everyone you love them. Yes, you read right, tell everyone you love them.
Tell Dickie from the Mailroom you love him. Tell Vaz in Accounting you love her. Tell your boss, your boss’ boss, the guy that delivers the milk and the massage man that visits once a month. I'm serious. Everyone. Don’t discriminate. Practice your heart felt, ‘I love you’ in the mirror, then let loose. Be consistent and don't miss a single person. Be brave. Be bold. Squeeze into that lunch line and tell EVERYONE you’re life is that more colourful with them in it and gosh damn, you just love them for it.
Once you do this, all you need to do is walk around and smile. Why? Because you're happy. This is because after a short period of time, EVERYONE will stop saying hello and you’ll already know how they’re feeling. Frightened. Very, very frightened.
