Dear Angry Agony Aunt
Help! How do I stop my two year old from constantly tormenting our cat?
Firstly your child needs to learn some serious lessons about life’s pecking order at home. It goes : cat, cat food, clean kitty litter tray, cat accessories, Mum, Dad then pesky children. It’s really as simple as that.
In my opinion, cats are the Kim Kardashian’s of the animal kingdom. They prance around with no real purpose other than to make you buy accessories for them. And just like a Kardashian, we’re not entirely sure what cats do when people aren’t watching.
But cheap shots aside, my advice is to let your little Timmy/Josephine torment away. Why? Because it’s just a matter of time when your child will stop tormenting the cat and will start tormenting you. My parents tell me that the tormenting NEVER stops. So for now, let Her Magesty Queen Furball take one for the team.
Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
I was walking down the street the other day and noticed a fashion tag poking out of the top of a lady's shirt (back of the neck). I tapped her on the shoulder and asked if I could tuck it back in. However, before she could respond, (to save embarrassment), I fixed it up and quickly moved on. I instantly felt guilty. Should I have fixed up her tag?
Look at that! A fashion question. And no fashion answer would be complete without the mention of Lady Gaga... So there, I've mentioned her.
What you need to understand is that people spend a lot of time and money looking dishevelled. Ripped jeans, holes in stockings and my personal favourite, excessive fake tan. So, maybe this 'tag poking' is just another fad?
You see, without fad's, fashion wouldn't be a billion dollar industry. It'd be much like having a porn industry with no bad story lines. And ironically, these two billion dollar industries are polar opposites. One industry works on the premise that clothes must be worn at all times and the other succeeds by making sure clothes are off at all times. And I don't mind that because there are clear defined lines. Unlike another billion dollar industry. The wedding dress industry.
This scam works on the sole premises that you have to spend forty thousand dollars to wear a dress once before it's ripped off you at the end of the night. Dress on. Dress off. Then after seven years, you can’t even flog it off on e-bay for $24.95 or turn it into a nice curtain set. What a rip off.
But should you have fixed her tag? No. Keep your hands to yourself, you pervert.
