Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
My fiancé and I are struggling with our guest list which is already 12 people over budget. A number of our guests have partners we’ve never met. We’re okay with long term relationships however there are a few that have only been dating a year. Do we have to invite them? I really don't want to pay $150 ahead for someone I’ve never met, nor do I want them in our pictures. Am I being a Bridezilla?
Regards
Plus one quandary
Dear Plus one
Yes, you’re being a Bridezilla. I mean, passively aggressively abusing the bonbonniere lady? She’s eighty-five years old and she’s making this stuff by hand. Think about it. Your daily emails actually slow her down, not speed her up. And that poor florist - she can’t change the tulip season - so stop asking. And while you’re at it, tell your bridesmaids to stop writing to me. I don’t have enough answers to their questions and I’m not qualified to prescribe Prozac. And no, I don’t recommend they crush Prozac into your weight loss tea.
What Bridesmaids keep forgetting is that only have two jobs. One. To paint on a wide and permanent smile on their face and look truly happy for you. Especially anywhere in the vicinity of a camera. Two. At no moment during the day are they to be better looking than you. Not even for a second. Two jobs, that’s it. Easy as. And honestly, it's not unreasonable for you to ask them to pash a teenager a couple of days before the big day. Where else are they going to get a good case of ache from?
However, when it comes to your guest list, I must confess, you’re rather calm about the whole thing. If it was me, I’d be having a conniption about having booty call girlfriends at my wedding. I mean, they’ll be there in their short skirts and fascinators eating your salmon canapé's and drinking your middle shelf champagne. They’ll be swapping their T-bone for the fish and getting so sloshed all men in suits will look available, including the groom.
My advice to you is to be ruthless and cruel. You know how to do that don’t you? So, explain to your audience, oh sorry, your guests, they have a choice. Sure, they’re welcome to bring a guest, however both of them will unfortunately be subject to a three drink maximum. So sure, bring a 'friend'. However, if they decide to come alone, they’ll be welcomed with an unlimited bar. You’ll be surprised as to how ruthless and cruel your friends are as well.
Failing that, set a dress code where everyone dresses as a waiter. Come bill time, the Venue Manager won't have a leg to stand on.
Send your questions to me - angryauntis@gmail.com
