Hey Ags, What's happenin?
I want some advice.
Mate, i'm the top notch, you beaut, buffed
up, puncherific, smashaholic, take no shit, do-no-wrong Tasmanian heavyweight
wrestlin champion and professional badass extraordinaire.
I've got the fists that kill and the looks
that thrill and when I'm not in me wrestlin gear pummling my opponents in the
ring with unrelenting bashment, I'm struttin me stuff around the streets of
Launceston in me denim floggin out a belting to any c*** who so much as looks at me, even if they don't look at me.
I've got it all and everybody wishes they
could be me... But I want more!!!!!
For years i've been tryin to get big multi
million dollar companies to endorse me and throw bundles of free shit and cash
my way for nuthin but none of them seem to care. I've tried em all!!! KFC, Subway, Colgate, Wrigleys chewin gum,
Mcains, Coke and a certain other heartless soulsuckin shit heeled U.S. soft drink giant who will remain nameless (ie Dr Pepper, the
pricks)
But no luck....... Not a red cent,
nuthin!!!!!! Mate, What gives?????!!!!!!?????? How do i get one?
Sincerely aggravated, The hot buttered kid.
Hi Hot
Butttered
I can’t
understand why no-one will sponsor you either.
You sound positively dreamy. A
modern day Tony Danza if you like. Your
words just jump off the page and immediately get people in to a Nelson Hold. I could feel the strength of your bulging and
pulsating muscles under my arms and could imagine your stale tuna breath
against my ear.
I think your
problem is with the type of companies you're approaching. To be sponsored successfully, you need to align
yourself to products more akin to your personality. The role of a self-absorbed ninny has already
been trademarked by Warwick Capper but here are a few other suggestions for
you.
-
Libra maternity pads. Thick and bulky for girls.
-
Sure Fit ear plugs. To drown out that annoying sound.
-
Aaron’s Hardware. For when you’re looking for a REAL tool.
-
Any female urination device that allows you to pee while standing up.
-
Ansell condoms. What happens when the dumb sperm get
through.
But if any of
these suggestions fall through (but I think Ansell will pay up), I suggest you get the ultimate sponsorship and go on the
Dole. But a word of warning. Even though it looks like you’re getting
money for nothing, the Dole is owned by me - and all my other tax paying Angry
Agony Aunt readers. So we’ll require you
to do things for us in return. My first and only job for you is to take some Imodium becuase that stuff is still dribbling out of your mouth. I’m sure my readers will have other
suggestions.
Love and
kisses, Angry Aunty.
