Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
I listen to a lot of music. Honestly, I’m a music whore! Music is a massive part of my life & I’m constantly on the lookout for more tunes. I listen to a lot of different styles but my preferences is rock. The heavier end of the musical spectrum gives me more of an emotional release (& sometimes it comes close to getting me off as well). Just wondering, do you have any bands that you can suggest?
The only band that I think that fits your needs is a rubber band. It has the versatility you’re looking for. It can hold different sounds (the genre), can be flicked at different speeds (the beat) and can be used as a weapon afterwards (like a guitar). For example, the next Grammy Award winning CD would include such tracks as the country version of ‘Twang for my girl’, the hard rock classic ‘Flick off’ and the pop version of ‘Ooops, that red rubber band hurts’.
As an artist, a rubber band is the ideal instrument. You don’t need to lug any accompanying amps, cymbals or cords through customs when you’re on your world tour. Then when you get to your gig, you can use your rubber band to secure your plastic bag full of marijuana for later.
However, sometimes a rubber band has a greater chance of breaking mid ‘riff’. But don’t worry, all you have to do is grab another one from your rubber band ball. This ‘ball’ is not only good for getting you out of a pickle on stage but when your tour is over, you can take it down to the basketball / handball / tennis courts and start a game with your mates on your down time.
In relation to rubber bands and ‘getting you off’, I’m not offering that kind of advice. Google it. And google it in the comfort of your own dirty and seedy bedroom. Eeeww.
