Dear Angry Agony Aunt,
I did your quiz and I got stuck on most of them. Then I lost interest. But I'm mildly curious and I can’t be bothered reading the whole blog. What are the answers?
Wow. I feel as useful and as loved as the current American economy. Here are your answers - as I cry into my Chardonnay.
1. Red or dark red but to be more precise, maroon.
2. 30.
3. Mutton is the meat of an elderly sheep. It’s like eating your Grandmother*. Tough and yucky.
4. If you read my tag line, it says ‘What you need is a good kick up the pants. The pants are not provided but the boot is for free’. So, no, I don’t sell boots on my blog, so stop asking. If you want real boots, visit http://www.ebay.com/.
5. An Aunty is the female sibling of one (and hopefully not both) of your parents.
6. The Wiggles. And no, it doesn’t matter if it was sung by the old or the new yellow Wiggle.
7. Downtrodden and/or heartbroken. My boyfriend answered this question before I’d finished asking it. He seemed quite proud of that. I found it sad that phrase was so deeply etched in his brain.
8. ‘Dead To Me’ button. And Zuckerberg, if you steal my idea, just send me a cheque. Let’s not involve the lawyers.
9. False. The ‘Grapevine’ isn’t the cure for ANYTHING. Unless it eventually turns in to Chardonnay.
10. ‘Flying The Rack’. And I have no idea why this catchphrase hasn’t caught on.
11. (a) a chain of strip club convenience stores. And upon further consideration, I’ve decided the name these stores - ‘Check Out Chicks’. The chain’s slogan will be ‘Get your milk and your lap-dance at your convenience’.
12. (c) Constable Perry McWhirter. And we’ve never become friends.
13. Negative twenty. And that just shows how unfair the world is.
14. Star spangled banner, the Lords prayer or Jack Nicholson’s monologue from ‘A Few Good Men’. And if you’re a real smarty-pants, ‘Please, please, please, take me with you.’
15. Speed. What do you do?
*Don't eat your Grandmother. She'll just taste like chicken that's been sitting in the sun for 90 years. If you're really hungry for something old, I'd recommend eating a 90 year old Cheeseburger instead. At least you'll know it'll be as fresh as the day you bought it.
