Why won't you answer my question?

Due to the amount of questions I receive, verses the angry time I have available for you ungrateful bastards, here are a few that only require a swift kick up the pants.
Note : If you're question isn't here, you know I'm working through my rage to get it posted ASAP. 

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,

How many menstrual days does Justin Bieber have?

I’m not sure how many Justin has, but his hair is on the standard 28 day cycle.  Every couple of days a month, poor Justin knows that when he’s having a bad hair day, he just has to accept it, give in to it’s outrageous and unreasonable demands and know that no amount of styling will settle it down.

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,

How do I get my mum to wear her hearing aid?

Tell her she’ll get sun cancer.  Oh wait a second, I’m thinking of a hat. 

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,

Why don’t chocolate fish swim?

But they do.  Add some chocolate fish and milk in a blender and what your babies swim.  

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,

Should I be re-reading my Facebook updates before I update them?

Yes.  It’s the internet equivalent of checking your fly is zipped up. It’s funny how one little thing like checking details can ruin your life.  Especially when you’re applying for a job.

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,

Why don’t menstrual cycles have wheels?

Because you’re ugly and I believe in cheap shots.

Dear Angry Agony Aunt

Are you ever happy?

Your Mum

If by happy you mean am I unemployed, ugly, broke, living at home and have a blog that no-one reads?  Then yes, I’m very happy.  Stop knocking on my door.

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,

Wanna make $4000/month working from home? If so, my suggestion to anyone is to sign on and participate in this program. You will be pleasantly surprised, as I was. You will be truly excited about the potential of success with this business.

Can I earn $4,000 a month working from somewhere else other than my home?  My mother keeps bugging me.

Dear Angry Agony Aunt,

I text heaps of people - Why don't they text back?

Because they don’t like you.  But don’t start crying yet.  There’s one sure fire way to get even your arch enemy to text you back - all in under 160 characters.  Try sending this to everyone in your phone… “Hi, the first person to text me back will get a dollar.”  Then wait for your phone to tinkle off the hook.  However, if you find no-one text’s you back, increase your next message by another dollar, then another until you get a response.  Who says you can’t put a dollar value on friendship?